#4 - God Wants You, Lollie Twinkle

Feb 13, 2025
4 min read

Updated: Jun 2, 2025

I was a wimpy little kid with gender identity issues. Nobody really knew that because I didn't feel safe expressing feelings nor gender confusion in my home, and I hid it very well. I was withdrawn and shy, and I had a bad posture and droopy eyes. Kids teased me and said I was "oriental".

I felt ugly. I got bullied about my posture and my looks.

My mom forced us to wear leather dress shoes to school. "Your feet will sweat in tennis shoes." Dad did his best with home haircuts, but they always were just 'ok' and not good. We didn't have a lot of money in our big family, so mom sewed t-shirts for us out of crummy cheap material.

In high school I was a wimpy nerdy kid, dressed funny, secretly wanting to be a girl, and kids would just randomly push me from behind in a crowded hall. It was a game of push the geek, like whack a mole. I was bullied even in the classroom too. One kid sitting behind me tickled the back of my neck with a ruler or something for the better part of a class. I remember how I wasn't interested in getting any stupid muscles in gym class when we had a quarter focused on weight training. All the kids mocked me for that.

One time when I was about 8 or 9 years old, in Sunday school class, where you were supposed to feel safe, once again I was picked on. After roll call, a few kids cleverly tweaked my name and called me "Lollie Twinkle." Ha, yes good one! I use it now for my pen name. Sure, I can say now that it is funny, but the kids were saying it with no mercy, and it was a chorus of mean kids laughing at me.

I quietly cried. The teacher after class noticed me sobbing and said, "Hey, what's wrong?" I said, "kids were making fun of my name." Teach then asked, "Could I ask what they were calling you." I answered "Lollie Twinkle." "Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha" the teacher burst out laughing and said that was so funny. That was a double-barreled bullying day. Mocked first by the kids and second by the grown adult teacher. I was crushed. That was one of the worst most painful things ever, to be a little kid laughed at by an adult, and he was the Sunday school teacher!

When we got home, my dad also noticed my sobbing and asked me, what is wrong. I said, "I am ugly, and the kids teased me today in class." He paused for a second and said this: "God wants you in heaven. Would it be right if only beautiful people could get into heaven? No, that wouldn't be right at all."

That's it. Those are the only meaningful words my dad ever spoke in my entire life. Some amazing assuring words actually came out of my cold uncommunicative dad. I wanted to kill myself that day. I wanted to tell him I wanted to be a girl, but I could not tell him that. But what he said calmed me right down and was exactly what I needed to hear in that moment.

It was as if the Holy Spirit spoke through my dad that day, "God wants you Lollie Twinkle". It was a clear message, God wanted me in heaven. It wasn't until college that I accepted Jesus Christ as my savior and was saved and born again. But the incident is etched into my mind as unforgettable.

Matthew 9: 10-13

While Jesus was having dinner at Matthew's house, many tax collectors and sinners came and ate with him and his disciples. When the Pharisees saw this, they asked his disciples, "Why does your teacher eat with tax collectors and sinners?" On hearing this, Jesus said, "It is not the healthy who need a doctor, but the sick. But go and learn what this means: 'I desire mercy, not sacrifice.' For I have not come to call the righteous, but for sinners."

The 'big sinners' today are the trans and gender community. We are considered abominable; we are treated like evil sexually immoral sinful slime. We are the scorned second-class citizens in today's society. Back in Jesus' time the tax collectors were scorned. People gathered and came to Jesus to hear him and to be healed. When the sinners and tax collectors came, he spoke with them and even ate with them.

John 4: 7-10

When a Samaritan woman came to draw water, Jesus said to her, “Will you give me a drink?” (His disciples had gone into the town to buy food.) The Samaritan woman said to him, “You are a Jew and I am a Samaritan woman. How can you ask me for a drink?” (For Jews do not associate with Samaritans.) Jesus answered her, “If you knew the gift of God and who it is that asks you for a drink, you would have asked him and he would have given you living water.”

Yet another example of Jesus mingling with the heathen, the low life, the non-Jews, he speaks with a Samaritan woman. And he tells her he has living water that he could give her.

This is amazing! Heaven is also for the trans, the gender community, the outcasts of society, the sinners, and the ugly like me. God wants you Lollie Twinkle!

Jesus loves us all and wants us all in heaven.

Revelation 21:4

'He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death, or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away."

This is hard for me to picture. I have had a hard time so far. I have been in unspeakable pain. Yet, the pain of my gender dysphoria, the bullying, the sadness I have felt my whole life will be completely gone. No more crying over anything? I can't even imagine such great and unspeakable joy. I can't wait to get to heaven.

If you wish for eternal happiness and peace, then run past the folks who bully and look to Jesus!

God wants you in heaven. He wants us scorned sinners in heaven. I know because he wanted me.